How to Choose a Keepsake That Honours Both Grief and Love

When words are inadequate and a loved one’s presence is a memory, what remains? Often, it’s an object. A father’s worn wristwatch. A friend’s favourite coffee mug. A child’s carefully scribbled drawing.

In the landscape of loss, these items become more than mere possessions; they become lifelines. They are what we call keepsakes; a word defined simply as a small object given to preserve a memory. But for a grieving heart, a keepsake transcends that definition. It becomes the physical proof of a bond that death cannot sever, a small, solid thing to hold when the world feels unbearably soft.

This instinct to hold on is now understood as a vital part of healthy grieving. Introduced by Klass, Silverman, and Nickman in 1996, the "continuing bonds" theory in grief counselling proposes that instead of detaching from a lost loved one, the bereaved maintain a connection in new ways. This perspective shifts grief support from a “letting go” mindset to one that acknowledges the ongoing relationship between the living and the deceased. A keepsake, therefore, is not a sign of inability to move on, but a powerful and natural tool for fostering this enduring bond.

Whether it is simple or elaborate, handcrafted or purchased, a true keepsake has one purpose: to help us feel close to those we've lost. It is the token we consciously choose to carry forward. These objects spark stories when we fear forgetting, soothe a deep ache, and offer a wordless comfort when language fails us.

An important first question is: what is this keepsake meant to do? A meaningful item almost always begins with a clear intention.

Know the Purpose of the Keepsake

An important question to ask before choosing a keepsake is; What is this keepsake meant to do? Mostly because a meaningful item begins with a clear intention.

Are you choosing a keepsake to remember a loved one you've lost, comfort a grieving friend or to preserve a moment in time for future generations? Ultimately, each purpose carries its own emotional weight and knowing yours will guide your decision.

Some keepsakes are personal while others are meant to be shared or passed down through family lines. Others serve as conversation starters or tools for storytelling and offer subtle but symbolic comfort.

Understanding the purpose means you can better choose the form. For example, a locket with ashes may be perfect for a widow or widower. Meanwhile, a framed quote from a parent might be more appropriate for a child. At the end of the day it is something to hold onto when everything else feels like it's slipping away.

Consider the Personality of the Person (or Memory)

Every keepsake should be unique because every life is.

So when choosing a keepsake you should think about the person you're remembering. Some of the guiding questions include What did they love? What brought them joy? Were they a nature lover, someone that was always tending to their garden? Were they a storyteller with a laugh that filled the room or simply Quiet and reflective? Was this person bold and adventurous?

If you want touching keepsakes then make sure it reflects the personality of the one being remembered. A memory jar filled with handwritten notes might honor someone who loved words while a quilt made from old flannel shirts may suit someone who valued warmth and familiarity. 

And if you’re selecting a keepsake for someone else, maybe a grieving friend or family member, consider their personality too. Are they someone who would find comfort in wearing a subtle pendant, or someone who would cherish a handcrafted scrapbook, one that is filled with photos and messages?

Grief, just like memory, is personal. And keepsakes work best when they echo the spirit of the person and the relationship you shared with them.

Types of Keepsakes to Choose From

Keepsakes come in many forms.  Understandably, each form offers a different kind of comfort. You could be drawn to the tactile, visual, or symbolic. Whatever it is, there's a keepsake that can hold your memory.

Jewellery

• Lockets with photos or ashes

• Fingerprint pendants

• Birthstone rings

• Beaded bracelets with name or date charms

• A personalised fingerprint necklace 

Home Décor

• Framed quotes or poems

• Shadow boxes with heirlooms or small mementos

• Memorial candles with custom labels

• Decorative stones engraved with names or dates

• A glowing remembrance candle

Handmade & DIY

• Scrapbooks filled with photos and letters

• Quilts made from old clothes

• Memory jars with handwritten notes

• Pressed flowers in glass frames

Digital Keepsakes

• Photo books or slideshows with music

• Voice recordings or saved voicemails

• QR code plaques that lead to tribute pages

• Digital memorial videos shared with family

Wearables & Personal Items

• Custom t-shirts with a loved one's handwriting or favourite quote

• Scarves made from their clothing

• Embroidered handkerchiefs with initials or messages

• Keychains with coordinates or special dates

Cultural and Spiritual Sensitivity

While Grief is indeed universal, it can still be shaped by our beliefs, backgrounds and traditions. It is therefore important that When choosing or gifting a keepsake, one should put in mind the cultural or spiritual context it may exist within.

While some communities cherish keeping belongings of the deceased, others may discourage or even consider it  taboo. For example, some cultural traditions emphasize letting go of physical ties to the dead to encourage spiritual peace, while others create ancestor altars where keepsakes are central. In contrast, others may create ancestor altars or preserve clothing as part of the healing journey.

Religion also plays a role. A rosary passed down from a grandmother may carry immense meaning in a Catholic family, while a small plaque inscribed with a Quranic verse might highly be cherished in a Muslim household. Some may prefer non-religious but symbolic keepsakes like feathers, birds or butterflies.

If you’re giving a keepsake to someone else, it is advisable to take time to ask or gently observe what might feel respectful and appropriate. The best keepsakes are as thoughtful as they are mindful.

Budget vs Sentiment: It Doesn’t Have to Cost a Fortune to Mean Everything

The good news is that the most meaningful keepsakes aren’t always the ones with the highest price tag but the ones with the deepest connection. Yes grief doesn't follow a budget but life does. 

You don’t have to spend huge amounts on custom memorial jewelry or luxury urns to honour someone’s memory. A pressed flower from their favourite walk, a handwritten recipe or a voice note saved on your phone can hold just as much emotional weight (if not more).

If you’re crafty, DIY keepsakes like memory jars, stitched pillows made from old clothes or hand-bound journals can be both cost-effective and deeply personal. Even a framed photo with a handwritten note can offer comfort that no store-bought item ever could.
For those who wish to purchase something, many affordable options exist online especially on platforms like Etsy or from local artisans. Another option is Funeral homes and grief support organizations that sometimes offer simple memorial pieces at sliding scales.

The value of a keepsake lies not in its price but in its power to bring someone back to you - if only for a moment.

Customization

A keepsake becomes truly meaningful when it carries a piece of the person it honours both literally or symbolically. Personalizing a keepsake is the secret that transforms it from a generic item into a unique tribute infused with love and identity.

There are endless ways to add that personal touch:

• Engrave a name or meaningful quote. Something as simple as “Forever in my heart” or “One day at a time” can bring daily comfort.

• Use actual handwriting or voice prints. Many artisans can etch your loved one’s signature or a snippet of their voice wave into jewelry, frames or ornaments.

• Incorporate fabrics, ashes or soil. Some keepsakes include a pinch of cremation ash, fabric from a favorite shirt or even earth from a meaningful place.

• Choose symbols or motifs. A butterfly, tree, ocean wave or star constellation. As long as it reminds you of them then it belongs there.

Even though custom keepsakes take a bit more time and thought, they often become the tokens that tell a story and keep the person close in a very intimate way.

When to Give a Keepsake: Timing, Gifting & Consent

Keepsakes are powerful, but as with most other things in grief, the timing matters. When given too soon, they can feel overwhelmed. But when offered with care they become sacred gifts and gentle anchors in the storm of grief.

Grieving is persona and so is the readiness to receive a keepsake. Some may want something to hold onto right away while others may not be ready for months (or even years.) If you're gifting a keepsake, consider gently asking:

"Would it be okay if I made something to honour them?" or "When you're ready, I'd love to share something that made me think of them."

Consent also applies when using personal materials like photos, handwriting, ashes or belongings. Always ask before incorporating items especially in cultures where such practices may be sensitive.

Milestones that can offer natural moments for gifting keepsakes include:

• Anniversaries

• Birthdays

• Mother’s/Father’s Day

• First holidays without them

• During memorial services or celebration of life events

A keynote to remember is that a keepsake doesn’t have to come wrapped in a box. Sometimes it’s a letter, a shared recipe or even a song that is offered when words are hard to find.

Closing Thoughts: Keepsakes That Keep Love Alive

Grief has no timeline, neat stages or a particular single solution. But a keepsake, chosen with care, can offer something steady by acknowledging that someone mattered….and that even after their death they still do.  

Whether it's a necklace, a page of handwriting tucked into a wallet or a candle lit on quiet evenings, these tokens help us carry memory forward. They are not about holding on too tightly but keeping love visible, tangible and real.

So, when you're ready, pick a keepsake that feels right for you or for the person you love - regardless of if it’s small, handmade or simple. If it holds meaning then it’s already enough.

Because in the quiet moments, It’s the story it tells and the heart it comforts.